All year, I have been hearing people around me saying: “Enjoy senior year! It’s your final year of high school!” But admittedly, I can only feel a sense of relief that these nine months are over. While previous years have carried their own fair share of problems, I can say without a doubt that this year has been the worst for me so far. First with my grandma dying in August, then with my beloved cat Shadow (who was my best friend in the whole wide world) dying right after my birthday in December, all combined with the overwhelming stress and anxiety plaguing me everyday. This year has been a roller coaster. 

Senior year only further highlighted my sense of isolation from my peers. Ever since elementary school, I have had very few friends and have struggled to interact with most of my classmates. When I was younger, I initially tried to reach out to others, but their negative reactions caused me to withdraw into my inner self, and now I am too terrified to even interact with people my own age that reach out to me on their own accord. Throughout my entire school career, some of the only anchors I have found have been the support of my teachers. It has always been easier for me to talk with them instead of my own classmates, but during my senior year, my anxiety had gotten so bad that even reaching out to teachers I used to be able to converse with freely was a challenge. It has been painful to see all of my classmates have such fun with their friends, knowing deep down that it is too late to form any semblance of a friendship with them.

I have missed out on many opportunities due to struggles with my mental and physical health; opportunities that I will never have again. I missed my final Solo & Ensemble Contest, I had to withdraw from joining the orchestra pit for the “Chicago” musical, and there have been numerous other opportunities that I have abandoned last minute because of my constant overwhelming fears. This past semester, I have been missing more and more assignments due to a continuous lack of energy and motivation. I only feel like I have disappointed my teachers and have fallen short of the expectations placed on me.

I wish I was able to give next year’s seniors any advice or positive encouragement, but how can I do that if I can not even do that for myself? College, looming in the distance, feels both like an outlet and yet another harbinger of stress for me. No matter how much I hope, doubt always seems to weigh it down.

I suppose all there is left to do is to wait and see what the future holds.